We got our oldest son a car today. He's ecstatic - I'm bewildered. When did this happen? How could the past almost-18 years of my life (and his) just pass by like that?? People will tell you when you have your first child - "Enjoy it, don't miss a second of it because it goes by SO fast"...and I listened to them. I did. I remember closing my eyes tight and concentrating so hard on a particular moment - something funny they did, or said, or how adorable they looked. How it felt to hold them and kiss them on their warm little head, that sweet baby smell. I wanted to focus on those moments so completely, so that I would never forget them. Almost like I was trying to wring every single bit of feeling and emotion out of those times, and not take any of it for granted. Even with all that effort, time has gone by. And how quickly! I look at them and can hardly believe those adorable babies are almost grown. I miss those times with them, but I am so proud of who they are now.
It's amazing when you think about how God planned all this out. Before you have kids, you just can't imagine it. Then you find out you're expecting. I was terrifed!! What was I going to do with a baby? But He gave you 9 whole months to work through that. Then you have a baby, and you can't imagine EVER letting him out of your sight! But as they continue to grow, things just naturally fall into place. They crawl, then they walk, becoming a little more independent of you with every year that goes by. I have always been very protective of my children. (Some have called me over-protective...I don't care) Now I'm facing my first child graduating high school in a few weeks, starting his life, making his own decisions. Thank God, I have learned from the past 18 years - His timing is perfect, and He will give me what I need to deal with yet another step in my child's growth, the final step that will ultimately turn my baby boy into a grown man.
I'm holding this picture
You drew when you were four
It was one we proudly hung
On our refrigerator door
I found it in the attic
In your old dresser drawer
By a pillow that we made you,
And a blanket that you had
When we learned to chase the monsters
From underneath your bed
And I remember
How I learned how to hold you when you cried
I learned how to let you be strong
Learned how to calm you in the dark
Learned how to listen with my heart
I learned how to watch you grow
But how will I learn to let go
And when I walk in your bedroom
The memories that I keep
Are bedtime stories
And rocking you to sleep
And as I held you, You'd drift off to dream
And I know it might sound crazy, Now that you are grown
But yesterday still feels
Like the day we brought you home
And I remember
How I learned how to hold you when you cried
I learned how to let you be strong
Learned how to calm you in the dark
Learned how to listen with my heart
I learned how to watch you grow
But how will I learn, when will I learn, How will I learn to let go
- Mark Schultz "Learn to Let Go"
